Midnight Monologue – SXMRXXT Lyrics
It’s 3:14 AM
I turned the studio monitors off hours ago
No beats. No layered vocals
Just… talking to the room
Talking to myself, mostly
But if you’re listening to this track right now…
I guess I’m talking to you, too
I spent a lot of years creating versions of me that were bulletproof
SXM-R-X-X-T, the rapper who didn’t care about the rules
Samraat, the author who controlled the fate of every character
But when the laptop screen goes black and the lights go out…
None of those guys are here to help me sleep
It’s just Jainendra
Thе kid from 1997 who wonders if he’s doing any of this right
I look at the indеpendent music scene, the hustle, the constant noise
Everyone screaming for attention, trying to prove they’re the best
And I find myself wondering when the art turned into a race
I never wanted to run a race
I just wanted to write down the things that kept me awake
Hoping that someone else, somewhere, was awake too
But the pressure eats at you, man
It makes you think you have to be a machine to survive
But I’m not a machine. I’m just flesh, and bone, and a lot of doubts
And this is my midnight monologue…
Shedding the skin of the person I pretended to be
Just a voice in the dark, completely exposed
No filters, no echo, no place left to flee
Are you still there?
Or am I just talking to the walls?
I think about the people who read A Death Day Saga or Rap Genesis
They write to me like I have the answers to the universe
They think because I can map out a tragedy on paper
I know how to navigate the ones in real life
But I don’t
I’m just as lost as anyone else
I’ve hurt people I loved because I was too scared to be transparent
I’ve locked myself in a room with my production software for weeks
Using frequencies and chords to block out the sounds of my own reality
It’s a lonely way to live, building castles out of ink and air
But this album… A Life Ahead… it’s my eviction notice to myself
I’m leaving the castle
I’m stepping out into the cold, unpredictable air
I’m terrified of what happens when the music isn’t enough to shield me
But I’m more terrified of staying inside where it's safe
So this is for the kids who feel like they’re living under an alias
For anyone who has to put on a mask just to face the morning
For the ones who feel everything so deeply it makes their chest ache
You are not crazy for being human
You are not weak for being broken
We’re just navigating the dark, one quiet word at a time
And this is my midnight monologue…
Shedding the skin of the person I pretended to be
Just a voice in the dark, completely exposed
No filters, no echo, no place left to flee
Are you still there?
Or am I just talking to the walls?
If you're still there
Thank you for staying
The sun's going to come up soon
But before it does
We have to let it all out
